Our IVF cycle failed, apologies for my silence – I’ve been regrouping; reassessing and just overall feeling a bit shitty.
I’m Ok though – I promise. The road is rough but it’s fine. 5dp5dt I got my period (wtf right?) and I knew I was out. The progesterone should have held my period off for a bit longer I would have thought; but I guess not. I had my blood test which confirmed that I was in fact not pregnant. I have been once again weaning off Prednisolone and stopped Clexane. Not really even sure how to feel about the fact that we had a perfect hatching 5 day embryo transferred and it once again, did not stick around for the long haul. After our failure, I felt pretty bad. It was an emotional few days just once again feeling as though my body couldn’t continue to do this – I don’t know why my body was rejecting these perfect embryos like they weren’t meant to be there. I had intralipids, I was on a pretty high amount of these dangerous steroids and blood thinners that stung – yet we still had another negative result.
I have felt so many emotions – I have guilt; my Husband is stuck with me now and despite the fact that he insists that parenting with anyone else would be his form of a nightmare I can’t help but wonder if sometimes the better thing would be for me to just disappear and hope that he finds someone better who can give him all of the things he needs and this, this one thing in particular that I know he would do anything for. Sorry, I know that’s depressive and it’s not a nice thing for me to write let alone to have to read back – but I know that’s how I have felt and I know one day i’ll read this back and I want to remember all of the emotions, even the crappy ones.
I have been strongly leaning towards taking a step back and just beginning to accept that my body just will not do this. What happens if I do fall pregnant by some miracle and my body just rejects the baby at anytime? I don’t think I can do it. I was feeling just completely done with myself until I received a phone call today from the PGD lab. I spoke to a really lovely lady who was the Genetic Councillor for my clinic, and she informed me that our other perfect, grade 1, hatching embryo that was frozen on day 5 – had TRISOMY 22. Trisomy 22 is basically a chromosomal defect where there are 3 copies of chromosome 22 instead of the 2 that it should have. It’s pretty much a fatal condition that rarely gets to the 2nd trimester and often fails to implant. So that was interesting. But even more-so, our 6 day embryo was a ‘mosaic’ embryo with Monosomy 2.
This is an explanation given from my clinic on what a Mosaic embryo means:
At times PGS testing of embryos shows a mixture of cells, some cells having the correct chromosome number (‘euploid’) and others an incorrect number (‘aneuploid’) of chromosomes within the same embryo biopsy sample. These embryos are referred to as mosaic (euploid/aneuploid). Mosaic cells can arise either when an error of cell division happens in very early embryo division or if an aneuploid embryo tries to ‘correct’ itself back to a normal state. Mosaicism detected by PGS may represent cells in both the trophectoderm (which forms the placenta) as well as the inner cell mass (which forms the fetus) or may be only confined to the trophectoderm. Mosaic embryos may be suitable for transfer and have resulted in the birth of healthy babies. However because these embryos carry some evidence of a chromosomal abnormality there may be a risk of an adverse clinical outcome which may range from failed implantation, miscarriage or the birth of a baby with a serious medical condition.
Basically, out of 100 little cells from our Blast they have taken 4 and 3 of those are normal, but on the 4th it looks as though on the 2nd Chromosome (and the largest) it is missing one of the 2nd. Which basically means that if we were to transfer this embryo, if it was a normal embryo and did in fact have the 2nd chromosome it has the potential to implant – however, because it has shown that it may have it – if it IS in fact missing this 2nd Chromosome, there is no chance that it would implant as it would just not be able to continue to multiple and divide. It would literally not make it past a few days in my uterus. We are lucky in that regard that it is a Mosaic embryo carrying something that isn’t an ‘abnormality’ as per say, as the embryo actually can’t develop with that – but most of the cells were normal. They have graded this embryo as ‘transferable’ so the ball is in our court.
Has anyone even come across this before? It’s so foreign to me. I don’t feel comfortable transferring that embryo at all though – so I guess it’s back to the drawing board. I have an appointment with our fertility specialist to discuss next steps. I am just in so much shock that our perfectly looking embryos are carrying these genetic conditions, and I know that there were only 2 but I’m 23, and it just seems so fishy to me. What if we have only ever had abnormal embryos? I think we will do another fresh cycle and PGD test again, because I don’t think I can go on without knowing what is really going on or if we would ever get a healthy embryo. I think we need more than just 2 to base our opinion on. Who knows – but that’s a bit of an update from me. Not an ideal one or the one I was hoping to do but an update nevertheless.